Tuesday, October 21, 2014

who knows how to drive in the rain?

“People in Columbus don’t know how to drive in the rain”

It’s a common refrain I hear from anyone whenever the slightest bit of precipitation falls from the grey Midwestern sky. The traffic on the roads slow down by at least 5 MPH, and minor accidents pop up over the city, causing schedules to be adjusted by five minutes.

I’d like to find these terrible drivers, so they can be properly identified, but I can’t pick them out from the crowd. All I can find are their accusers.

I know I’m not one of the terrible drivers. The only accident I’ve ever been in was courtesy of a minivan that was too busy to stop and exchange insurance information after he put a nice dent into my rear bumper. I’m a good driver. I don’t think anyone of my friends or co-workers are the hazardous drivers either. They’re all the ones who are complaining and join me in my search for those menaces of the road.

I bet you’re a good driver too. You probably nodded your head in agreement with the first line at the top of the page.

Maybe it’s just a numbers game. Maybe there is just one bad driver our there ruining the roads for the rest of us. If you or I can’t pick him out from the crowd, it’s because he’s blending into the masses so well. He only strikes when it’s inconvenient for everybody else. The rest of us, we’re all important people. We have places to be, appointments to make, deadlines to meet. That other guy, he’s just taking abusing his privilege to operate a motor vehicle on the open road, without a care in the world. Wherever he’s going to, it’s not important. I have much more pressing matters than he.

So, to that one nameless, faceless, defenseless person who doesn’t know how to drive, please, for the sake of apparently everyone else in the city, learn how to drive in the rain.

I apologize for making a gross generalization about the public with my opening statement. Let me reword that.


“At least one person in Columbus (who certainly isn’t you or me) doesn’t know how to drive in the rain”

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